Not Always Blue Skies!

     Depression can be so devastating.  Defined by the dictionary, depression means a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.  However, this word means so much more than just that simple definition.
   
     I have suffered with depression for quite some time now.  I remember coming home from school, sick with migraines and I was saddened but I do not remember being depressed.  I was actually diagnosed in 1992 with depression.  Instead of getting to the root of the problem,  it was just easier to the doctors to prescribe medication and I was on my way.

    Some people believe depression is just when someone is sad.  WRONG!  Depression goes way beyond sadness.  It's not just a "mood" and it isn't just a "bad day".  What people do not experience, they cannot understand just how much this effects a person and everyone around them.

     Depression is actually a chemical imbalance in the brain.  When the brain doesn't function as it is supposed to, our bodies react in so many ways.  For example, people who are depressed could get chronic migraines (such as myself), stomach problems, muscle problems etc.  Sadness doesn't cause people to have such effects.  When depression takes over someone's life, it can cause them to become moody, irritable, irrational, angry, violent, suicidal, homicidal, or never get out of bed, never leave the house etc.

     For me, the medication I take, for the most, part seems to help.  Of course with medication, comes a whole host of other issues but that is for another blog at a later date.  However, I have noticed that the medication doesn't help completely.  I have seen a therapist off and on for the past fifteen years to try and work through some things.  Now, in April 1999, I tried to kill myself due to being so depressed and the doctors trying me on a new medication that was known for pushing people to suicide.  I NEVER want to go back there!  The charcoal I had to drink (so that they didn't pump my stomach) and the hospital was enough for me to NEVER try that again!  Also, I have really begun to take a look at my life in a new light. 

     When I wake in the morning, I do my future pacing (this is when I say how grateful I am for what I want but I say it as though it has already happened).  I also have a grateful journal so I can remember what is good in my life and not focus on all the bad - there is enough bad in the world!  Amongst other things, I try to say only positive things and remain positive throughout the day.  I try not to hang around people who are negative, because I do not want that kind of energy in my life.  I have to remember that what I want will come, if I ask the universe and remain positive.

     I am in NO WAY telling people that life is as easy as telling yourself it is.  I am also NOT saying that people will not have depression or have their moments.  I still do.  We all have those days that just do not work for us.  However, I no longer say that I "SUFFER" with depression....I "LIVE" with it.

~~alleedreams~~