TRAPPED!





      Lately, I have been wishing I had someone to just be able to call up and say "I need to chat.  Not about anything.  Just need to hear someone else's voice."  I wish I could just call up a friend and say "hey, come have coffee with me.  I just want to hang out for a bit."  Unfortunately, I do not have a vehicle so I guess what I am feeling is trapped.

     Picture yourself in a box, big enough for you, have someone duct tape it shut.  THIS is how I am feeling.  I feel like a bird in a cage who never gets let out so I can stretch my wings.  A dog who really needs to get out of the cage he's been in all night.    

     Trapped is such a versatile word!  You can be trapped in so many different ways.  Trapped in a relationship, trapped in a job, a friendship.   Maybe you are in a relationship that is toxic and you really need to get out of but feel you cannot or that you have no options.  Maybe you are at a job that you must keep for financial reasons and you hate the job yet you have no other options at the moment and feel trapped.

     I am in a situation where I am currently living with my 11 year old daughter at my mother's house.  Its a rather small house so it is close-knit.  We have very, very little space and most everything I own is in a storage unit.  I am going to school full time and I work for the school department, but only as a substitute.  I do not have a vehicle so I am unable to come and go as I need to or want to.  I cannot get a vehicle without a job and I cannot get a job without a vehicle.  TRAPPED!

     Though I still feel extremely trapped and I cannot get out, I need to look up.  I have just got to find something that works.  Something WILL work out.  Something will happen that will take me out of this prison I feel as though I am in.  I am looking for the positive and I am looking for a way.  I WILL get out. 

     If you feel like I do, in any type of situation, you too, will find a way out.  We just have to be willing to look and be available to see a way.  When we do, we will get out.

~~alleedreams~~
    

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Material Things

     I haven't written a blog in a couple of months but in this time I have been doing a lot of learning. On May 22nd, I lost my grandfather. He was the only grandfather I knew. He was camping, which is his number one passion these days. This is how I am choosing to remember him.      From the time I was 6 months old, my parents would go camping every single year, the same week and to our favorite State Park. It is on a beautiful, spring-fed lake, where the loons are out first thing in the morning to wake you, along with the boats, headed out to get an early morning catch. It's where every kid in the park gets to know each other and all play together from morning to night. Where at 4pm. was "happy hour" (but not a big drunk), after dinner the adults walk the circle of the park & where even after dark, the kids are still together and there is ONE big campfire, everyone who wants to come. Bring with chair or we probably have one for ya. Same stories are told ye
Read more

Nothing....

Image
     There has been so much going on lately in my small little world that I do not even know where to begin!  A week and a half ago, our community lost a teacher, who happened to be someone I have known for quite a few years. He was 37 years old. Had a heart attack and died. No reason. He wasn't unhealthy. Then, on the same day, our community lost a schoolmate. She was my age, 41. No one is quite sure why. The rumor is it was cancer but we are all still a little curious. A few days before that, our neighboring community lost a woman around my age. All that is known is she was in her boyfriend's truck and she died.      Death SUCKS but when it is of someone your age or younger, when you are still quite young, it really sucks. Then, not being able to explain WHY is even harder. I have a cat who I have had for the past 17 1/2 years. She was with me the day I tried to end it all. I had just gotten her and she was only a few months old. I felt as though I had no one but after I
Read more

Before It's Too Late

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be reading your obituary so soon. I stared at it for the longest time with my mouth open, not believing what I was reading. Tears rolled down my face, beginning as a trickle and ending with a waterfall! Deb, I never got to say the things I wanted to say. I know I told you I believed in you when that shit-storm happened at the school. I wrote you that long letter. You called me and we had a very nice talk! I was so happy you trusted me and knew I was someone you could talk to.  I wanted you to meet my daughter, Jordan. She's my WORLD and I wanted you to see me accomplish something great. You would be so happy to know that I have taken my last class in college to get my teaching degree. I have the Praxis exams and student teaching.... But I did it Deb! I did it. YOU knew I could and would. You always believed in me and knew I was not just lazy and I WAS putting in all my effort! I loved you so dearly for that! Not so sure anyone
Read more