Courage & Bravery

     


     Four years ago I contacted someone to inquire about a possible rental.  The manager, Samantha, gave me the information I was looking for.  We began emailing each other talking about the place she worked.  This was the beginning of what would become a really good friendship.

     Two years after that first email, Sam informed me that she had breast cancer.  Now Sam and I are casual friends, who stay in touch often through email and get together once in a while to catch up.  It wasn't like we called each other all the time.  When she told me, my heart sank so hard and so far!  I felt like my friend was telling me she was going to die tomorrow and she was saying goodbye. 

     Sam kept me in the loop as to what treatments she was having and how she was feeling and we did see each other and catch up.  I never saw her at her worst.  She would tell me she was sick, or a mass of tears or she was angry as hell at the world but never once did I see it.  I never went to appointments with her, nor did I sit there and keep her company during treatments of Chemotherapy.  I felt so helpless.  I bought her flowers, sent cards and at least a thousand emails encouraging her and telling her that she was going to be just fine.  We did have a couple of very serious conversations about our faith. 

     During this time that Sam was going through all of her treatments, I also had another friend who had been dealing with cancer for the previous 5 years.  It began as breast cancer and had just spread to a point of being terminal.  For 5 years, Angela was one of the most positive people and one of those people who live life to its fullest right til the very end.  Unfortunately, I lost my friend, Angela in August, just a couple of weeks prior to her 40th birthday.

     Sam and I had discussions about Angela and how positive she was.  Sam kept telling me she was fine even though I knew in my heart that she was not completely.  I knew she WOULD be fine but she was really going through complete HELL.  All of my emails that I sent her, I called her Sunshine, I told her to keep her chin up and stay positive.  I told Sam to keep the faith and stay strong.  She probably could have just told me to shut the F*CK UP and go to HELL cause she was scared and sick and so tired.  I cannot even begin to fathom what she went through.  I know I was scared and I played the part of a friend who was being happy and positive, when in actuality, I would sit in bed at night and cry, wondering WHY HER?  Why does she have to go through this?  WHY did she get cancer?  There are MUCH WORSE people in this world that deserve things like this but not my Sam!

     Finally, after a single mastectomy and a reconstruction surgery, the day came that she received a clean bill of health and she was cancer free.  THANK GOD!  I felt like Hercules had come to me and lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders and I didn't even go through what she went through!  I saw what the power of positivity and prayer does.  I had gained my faith and belief in God again.

     Last year, Sam was coming home from a doctors appointment for an annual check up.  She had received word that there was a lump in her other breast.  At this point, I hadn't emailed Sam for a while (we go like that and then all of a sudden, we decide to email one or the other).  I sent her an email that day, while she was at her appointment (which I didn't know about).  Sam revealed to me that while she was driving home, she was trying to figure out HOW to tell me the news she had just received about the lump.  When she got home, there was my email sitting there.  Weirdly, it seems to some degree we have this connection, like I knew something was going on and she knew she would have to tell me sooner or later.

     Long story short, Sam found out the lump was benign and had another mastectomy to be on the safe side.  I cannot tell you just how relieved I was!  I wrote Sam a very personal letter and told her just how the whole year had affected me and how much she seemed to mean to me.  Just how much we had gotten to know each other, didn't matter.  I cared very much about her and hoped that I may have played some part in her recovery and got her through all she went through!

     Three days ago, Sam's husband had a heart attack while snow blowing in their yard.  That was all the email said, except that she would be out of touch for a bit and what hospital her husband was in.  I have not heard from her since.  I know we discussed that no news is good news but my anxiety level, thinking about Sam and what this might be doing to her, is killing me.  I have done my praying and will continue to until I know what is going on.  I am also staying positive for Sam's sake.  I'm sure she has family and friends around but I wish I could do something.  I wish I could help.

     Sam is one of (if NOT the STRONGEST) bravest and most courageous people I have ever met!  This too shall pass.  Sam will be just fine and so will her husband.  I just hope she knows she is always in my thoughts and prayers and just how much I think of her!  I will always be sitting right here in the "plow truck with a thermos of coffee and a pack of cigarettes".  You can't kick me out!

Who inspires you?
~~alleedreams~~