I AM #1!




     All my life, I have been the one that has always pleased everyone else.  I am the one who doesn't do things for myself, I do for everyone else.  I am a peacemaker.  I try to keep the peace for everyone else.  I do not come first.  I come last.  I am the one everyone calls when something needs to be done or someone needs a ride or someone needs this or needs that.

     How many times have you done something that was TRULY for yourself?  Extremely rare for me.  I have learned this is one reason my decision making is not my own.  What I mean by that is, I have to check and make sure I am doing the right thing before I actually do it.  Go with your gut?  Never.  I go by what everyone else tells me to do.

     Now, I am beginning to see that I am my own person and I need to please myself and do things for myself.  First and foremost, I need to love myself.  I have always felt that I was not worth anything unless someone needed something from me.  If I could do for others, I was worth the air I breathe.  If I care about myself and I make myself the main priority, than others will see my self-worth as well, not just someone who will be their go to person to get something done.

     I never loved myself.  I saw myself as fat, ugly, dumb etc.  I wasn't worth much of anything.  I had no self esteem.  I allowed myself to be others doormat.  Today, after beginning some work on myself, I have realized that I am worth something.  I have a lot to give but not just because someone needs something.  Its because I NEED IT.  My life really does mean something. 

     My biggest self-worth begins with my daughter.  I am a single mom of an 11 year old who needs me to set the example of loving myself.  She has had some issues at school with being bullied.  I need her to see that she can stand up for herself because she is worth something and doesn't need to put up with bullying.  I do not want to teach her that she has no self-worth.  We need to be strong; STRONG FOR OURSELVES.

     Mark Nepo, an author who has taught me a lot.  Louise Hay, another author who has taught me that I am worth a lot.  If we do not love ourselves, no one else will, properly and for the right reasons.  We deserve better than that.  I deserve better than that.  Love yourself.  YOU are the most important person in YOUR life.

~~alleedreams~~
    

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